Tuesday, January 09, 2018

Are we really "fine"?

On Sunday, somebody said hello to me and then "How are you?" and I meant to say something along the lines of:

"My heart has been beating too fast for months and month , I had a pacemaker put in just before Christmas, and on Tuesday I'm goigback to hospital for a little procedure that will make it fullt operational. And I'm geeting very tired these days, and I expect my heart is getting tired too, so I'm looking forward to hopefully getting it fixed. But I'm also a bit scared, because heart procedures are scary, and I'm not altogether happy at the thought that from now on, instead of my whole self controlling the beating of my heart, it will now be controlled by a machine."

But what I actually said was: "Fine thanks". And moved on without thinking about it.

And I do wonder why we keep asking ourselves this question which we're not really able to answer.

And I do want to note in passing that today is Tuesday, and it did happen, and it went very well, and here I am home again and able to type this with any trouble at all.

And so I feel hopeful.  And thank you for your concern.
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