Thursday, July 09, 2015

Insomnia and a nightmare

I can’t sleep.

My mind too busy after the day’s rehearsal. Too busy about the show.

Like a fool, I pick up a newspaper.

And I get furious. There is something so insane, something so destructively mad, about the way Germany, especially, is treating Greece.

I cannot understand this obsession with austerity. Something everyone knows has failed and will continue to fail and will absolutely not succeed in helping Greece to pay off its debts.

Instead, as everyone knows, it will only make the situation worse.

And then I see: it’s an act of war. 

And both countries are locked in the madness of war and cannot escape.

It may be a continuation of the conflict of the second world war; or a new phase in the unacknowledged and continuing war of the speculators and high end capitalists against the people of the rest of the world.

An expression of their insatiable and self destructive greed. Their implacable determination to steal every government’s assets and place them in private hands.

And Greece is an example and a warning here: for the war is against all of us.

And had we in Scotland won the referendum we would right now be in the front line.

It’s hard to go to sleep.

And when I do I have a terrible dream. Nuclear war has broken out between India and Pakistan and its consequences have engulfed the rest of the world.

Everyone is dying around me. There are corpses everywhere and I cannot dispose of them…

I wake myself up. I wake myself up and fiercely turn to meditation.

I feel so helpless: our tiny show so insignificant against the forces we wish to resist.

But actually there is nothing else to do.

And suddenly I’m thinking of my hero and inspiration. Dear Calderon: writing in Spain of the 1600’s, a vile decaying society of institutionalised racism and collective delusion. Writing under the most ferocious censorship from both state and church.

He knew the helplessness we feel: and he used the metaphor of a dream to describe it.

And was still able to write:

“The good you do is never lost. Not even in dreams….”

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