Thursday, December 01, 2011


A time of seeing myself in mirrors.

This photo arrived today: taken just before I performed JESUS QUEEN OF HEAVEN in the Bakehouse.

I did an interview over the phone with TVBomb (; another over the phone with The Independent; one with the Herald; and one with The Scotsman. And a podcast for the Traverse. And an item on Radio Scotland’s Culture Cafe next week.

All these are coming up; I hope I haven’t said anything foolish.

I dreamt last night a man said to me: I’m doing to take your dress away. It’s too old.

And he did: and brought another.

I felt a little insulted by this - how dare he say my dress was too old! But pleased at the same time that he cared.

And then puzzled because the dress he brought me looked more or less exactly the same as the one he’d taken away...

I understand the dream as somehow being about my anxiety at this onrush of visibility.

I saw myself in another mirror this afternoon: as the cast did a run of the play.

I was profoundly moved.

The incredibly gifted cast have taken huge steps forwards: and what i am seeing, in its depth and power, is really beginning to represent the event that i foresaw.

It’s uncanny and strange. I ask myself: how did I do that? Did I really know that was how it was going to be?

Partly, of course, I didn’t. I simply did my best to hear and experience the characters as clearly and as vividly as possible.

But with another, often hidden, part of my deep self I did know.

It is amazing and miraculous to see that dark knowledge brought up into the light.

And shining.
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