Sunday, July 31, 2011

Dear Edinburgh looking her best yesterday. So beautiful in the sunshine.

I was sitting in the garden at the back, swimming in the scent of the honeysuckle. Revelling in the warmth of it all.

Cheers coming from the crowds on the Royal Mile: I could hear them travelling up the hill to the church where some royals were getting married.

A sense of genuine celebration. Warm happiness.

I thought: maybe they do serve a function after all.

These not especially gifted or remarkable people: but it’s as if they represent some kind of promise of continuity, stability and safety in this dangerous and rapidly changing world.

Out on my bicycle in the street overflowing with good natured police.

Traffic barriers everywhere. I was hesitating before one: and there was a big van coming towards me.

Stopped by a policeman. Who said to the driver:

"Wait till the lady’s gone by on her bicycle."

Looked at me, smiled, and waved me on.

Opened up, all of a sudden, a huge well of memories: of the years of fighting against this identity, the miserable years trying to discover it. Waiting in line in shops and bars, wondering how I’ll be addressed. The disappointment at being called “sir”. The despairing sense of how wrong that was. And yet the barrier our culture puts between the “masculine” and the “feminine” seemed so totally insurmountable.

But then here I am. Crossed it. How effortless it seems. How absolutely right.

“Thank God I did that”, I thought.

Cycling down the road in the deepest happiness.

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