Saturday, July 24, 2010

24th July
I went swimming today.
For a transsexual, this is one of these activities that "norma"l people take for granted: but which for us is immensely complicated.
Almost everyone feels a certain anxiety about stripping off in public; and that anxiety is the worse for us.
The trappings that we use to enable us to pass in the day to day world without risk of attack are stripped away fro us;and because we are in a situation where everyone else is also in a state of anxiety, there's a real risk of exposure and hostility.
The anxieties and self-consciousness of the general population tend to get redoubled in us.
With the result that mostly we don't use gyms or go swimming at all.
(Or else, like me in the gym, we have to resign ourselves to not being able to use the changing rooms or showers afterwards)
So the sessions for trans people organised by the LGBT health centre are a total godsend.
It is such a joy to be able to swim in safety, without self-consciousness or fear.
The pleasure I took this afternoon....!
Just a simple pleasure in being in the body.
Which for most of us, most of the time, is so immensely difficult...

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