Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Week 4: wednesday.
In one sense I really have very little to do in rehearsals any more.
Sometime I add or remove a word. Today, I think, I also consented that a fullstop be replaced by a question mark.
But that doesn't make it any easier to be there.
The actors are suffering just now because they're not yet completely on top of their lines.
Now this really has nothing to do with me: but i can't stop myself feeling responsible.
Just as I worry about whether the play will be a success for the theatre or not.
Or the effect it will have on the audience who come.
I could get really absurd about all this, as if I have to support the whole theatre like Atlas on my shoulders.
And I can forget how much we all laugh sometimes; or the fierce joy involved in the collective creation of something worthwhile.

And afterwords I have to say I had to force myself a bit to a training session of volunteers for CRUSE, the bereavement counselling charity, where I was due to be speaking.
A CRUSE counsellor helped me hugely after Susie's death; and it was good to pay a little of that back.
Also it was such a pleasure to be in the company of such dedicated and caring people.
I staggered back, still weary, but pleased that i did that.


Be strong, Jo. I sometimes wonder what the point of grief is. That and other terribly sad things which happen in one's life. It doesn't necessarily teach you how to be a better person. Or make you stronger and more resilient. And some people just sink further into themselves and get lost in all the downs in their lives. If there are people like you who've come out the other side, then someone will, directly or indirectly, get the comfort, encouragement, empathy, support needed for them to feel a bit braver and a bit more hopeful. Sleep well, Jenny xxo
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