Wednesday, March 31, 2010

THE LIST asked me to fill out a questionaire of the kind people get asked to fill in when they happen temporarily to be in the public eye, and it comes out tomorrow.
one of the questions was "How did you feel when you knew you were famous?" or something, and I said something along the lines of I didn't think that time had come yet, and besides it was all a bit beside the point.
But when i was in the gym today two people recognised me and gave me congratulations, and I thought: how strange.
Normally when i go to the gym I leave my things in lockers by the pool side because its unisex there and I'm frightened of going into the women's changing room.
It's as if all the anxieties and humiliations in gym at school are still focused on going in there, and I was really dismayed to be told that the poolside lockers weren't available today.
I tried to be positive, though, and look on it as an opportunity to overcome this fear, so tried my best to fix a disarming smile onto my face as I went through the door that has always frightened me.
And discovered there was nothing to be frightened of after all, because there were unisex lockers there too, and actually far more convenient ones.
And if I hadn't listened to my fear, or taken it so seriously, I could have found that out long ago.

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Oh, I feel like this all the time in a swimming pool, so I think how much worse it must be for you who has real reason to feel intimidated by it! First because every swimming pool is different. The ones at Dalry and Warrender are the most comfortable. Changing rooms on the side of the pool for anyone. (And upstairs as well) And at Dalry pool the downstair showers at least are unisex. The ones at Warrender, I think, are split.
Second, because of the school thing. Always last to get changed and trying to get a bra on over a not quite dry body quickly so no one sees your boobs, and being all too aware of all the gorgeous bodies of the other girls who had waists! And wrestling with flimsy curtains you're sure people can see through. At Wester Hailes there are mirrors focused into some of the cubicles so that the attendant can see right over the doors of some of them. (I suppose there have to be some perks in the job!!).
Third because sometimes there are open changing rooms where everyone strips off. I don't mind that so much as how does one rub dry thoroughly and discretely? And how do you not notice women who are so confident and beautiful they shower naked...? Oh, well, I think it's a completely weird experience going swimming and sunbathing full stop. I wouldn't dare go to choir practise in a swim suit, or walk into a room full of strangers in one. Yet I go swimming sometimes, and that's okay... Weird...!
 
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