Monday, March 22, 2010

I know I meant to write about the preview of "Every One".
But today i had an amazing birthday.
I suppose I want to record that.
One thing I had anticipated was getting my bus pass: which did, in fact, duly appear, and which I used, and got excited about...
But I wasn't expecting the beautiful flowers, for some reason, or the torrent of good will messages that poured into my in box.
Nor the beautifully touching letter from my brother Tony, posting a jar of moisturiser I left behind.
Birthdays have always been so hard for me.
I've thought a lot about why this should be. Because I always wanted girl's presents, secretly, and didn't dare ask for them.
Because I've a strong feeling that actually my mum and dead were truly and deeply disappointed when they discovered I was apparently a boy, though they did all they could to hide that fact and love me as deeply as they possibly could.
And so they've been very hard to celebrate.
One massive thing that has happened this year is that I have just had a play open in a beautiful theatre and be, very obviously, a big success.
The fact that somehow someone I love so deeply managed to come and see me and we had such a wonderful time together.
But all the good things have happened, I think, because I have finally learned to appreciate myself.
And so this birthday really has been a source of joyful celebration.


Jo, assuming you come from a family tradition where the boys were sent to boarding school from an early age, and this was taken for granted so much so that parents felt they had little choice but to send their little boys away from home. And because it wasn't so such an issue sending girls away to school, maybe your parents, especially mum, might have been more disappointed that she couldn't keep her child at home, and was inwardly grieving for the day she'd have to send you away, rather than being disappointed in your gender...? Which is maybe why the feeling you had that they were disappointed conflicts(?) with the feeling you were deeply loved. But as I said in my text, I'm making assumptions here and please forgive me if I'm barking up the wrong tree. You must tell me if I over comment and am being inappropriate, Jo dear. I seem to have a lot to say and I don't want to abuse your blog by sticking my oar in where it's not wanted just because there's freedom to do so. It's a privilege that anyone can leave comments at all. Lots of love xx
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