Diary

11 November

I've been dreaming a lot about my late partner recently.

Usually she's silent, and quite detached from the scene, although also very much a part of it. Which does, in fact, represent how she is in my life.

But last night, very unusually, she spoke. She was telling me to assert myself more and make my wishes felt.

Suddenly tonight I've started to change my profile picture. I couldn't figure out how to do it on this site, but I did it on Facebook.

I changed it to one of the pictures Neil took last week:
(and it's not ended up here...)

And found myself feeling intensely anxious about it.

It really is true that our identity is so fundamental, even in such an apparently trivial thing... no wonder being trans can be such a torment.