Friday, June 22, 2007

21st June.
Last time I went to the opticians they took a photo of the back of my eye.
They saw warts there, and blood vessels looking all twisted and gnarled.
So they told me to comeback in two months, and i did today.
I said that in between visits I'd been diagnosed with high blood pressure: but it was going down, I said, and when she looked at the back of my eye she could see nothing unusual.
And then she took the photos, and the spots or warts had gone and the blood vessels that had looked as if they were in some distress no looked distinctly healthy, untwisted and utterly straightforward.
And she said: come back in two years.
We have all these sayings like "getting to the heart of things" or "the heart of the matter" which I used to understand in an intuitive kind of way but which now I can relate to in the directest way possible. After I had the heart operation, I had the sense that the whole centre of me and been wrenched out and then put back together, higglety pigglety, by a rather clumsy giant.
And that process obviously reached right up to the back of my eyes.
And so seeing those happier looking blood vessels made me feel that I really am healing again.
I cycled to the supermarket and then to the art college for the landscape architecture opening, and that feeling intensified.
It's very strange how so much of her industrial activity leads to the minimising, or rather the disguising, of physical effort.
That's one of the things cars are about, for instance.
We prize it: even though the effects are actually very bad for the world around us and even for our own dear selves. Lack of exercise makes it harder to dissipate our tensions: we store them up, they make us ill too.
But I felt so blessed to be taking even this simple exercise: more and more fully back into my body again.
And so back more fully into the world.

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