Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday began with me finally managing to investigate my state pension.
I have been putting this enquiry off, because it is unpleasant to admit the onset of age, and even more unpleasant to negotiate the Department of Work and Pensions criteria.
But I did not have to wait long on the phone; and the two people who answered it were pleasant and straightforward and helpful.
I found that because I am a widow, my late partner's stamps also contribute to my pension in a way i simply do not understand.
Fortunately, i do not have to; but to make the calculation, the officials needed Susie's date of birth, the date of our marriage, and the date of her death.
Finding this information threw me into a state of grief that overwhelmed me all the more thoroughly because it took me so utterly by surprise.
For a while, i simply could not think.
I could neither remember the dates nor find the way to discover them.
Susie's mum rescued me when I phoned her.
And so mid morning ended on a note of minor triumph.
Then it was off to the institute to try to discover more about Hume; engage in fascinating and random conversations over lunch; attend a lecture on the rise of photographic portraiture in 19th century France and the corresponding influence of biographically based criticism; and then back to my desk to keep discovering a voice for GOD'S NEW FROCK in prose.
Then home, and a lovely supper, and then to dancing.
This was a difficult journey, preceded by a time of fear and loneliness.
There is something about the positive energy of a Biodanza class that can make it a painful thing to face.
And as the dance began, and I began to surrender to my need for movement, to re-discover my capacity for pleasure, pleasure in my body, pleasure in the dance... I began to understand what a dark and dangerous place I have had to enter this past 6 months as I bring JESUS QUEEN OF HEAVEN and EVERY ONE to being in the world.
(A thick wodge of reviews arrived the other day to remind me just how exposed I have been)
And to slowly open myself up to that space where, even if only just for that moment, I could know myself fully accepted, was hugely healing somehow.
And as I review all the various textures and places of this day's journey i feel profoundly grateful for its richness.
I have been putting this enquiry off, because it is unpleasant to admit the onset of age, and even more unpleasant to negotiate the Department of Work and Pensions criteria.
But I did not have to wait long on the phone; and the two people who answered it were pleasant and straightforward and helpful.
I found that because I am a widow, my late partner's stamps also contribute to my pension in a way i simply do not understand.
Fortunately, i do not have to; but to make the calculation, the officials needed Susie's date of birth, the date of our marriage, and the date of her death.
Finding this information threw me into a state of grief that overwhelmed me all the more thoroughly because it took me so utterly by surprise.
For a while, i simply could not think.
I could neither remember the dates nor find the way to discover them.
Susie's mum rescued me when I phoned her.
And so mid morning ended on a note of minor triumph.
Then it was off to the institute to try to discover more about Hume; engage in fascinating and random conversations over lunch; attend a lecture on the rise of photographic portraiture in 19th century France and the corresponding influence of biographically based criticism; and then back to my desk to keep discovering a voice for GOD'S NEW FROCK in prose.
Then home, and a lovely supper, and then to dancing.
This was a difficult journey, preceded by a time of fear and loneliness.
There is something about the positive energy of a Biodanza class that can make it a painful thing to face.
And as the dance began, and I began to surrender to my need for movement, to re-discover my capacity for pleasure, pleasure in my body, pleasure in the dance... I began to understand what a dark and dangerous place I have had to enter this past 6 months as I bring JESUS QUEEN OF HEAVEN and EVERY ONE to being in the world.
(A thick wodge of reviews arrived the other day to remind me just how exposed I have been)
And to slowly open myself up to that space where, even if only just for that moment, I could know myself fully accepted, was hugely healing somehow.
And as I review all the various textures and places of this day's journey i feel profoundly grateful for its richness.
Labels: a rich day
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]